Staff Meeting – Friday 8 May 2020

In Attendance:

Me – Chair, Designer, Maker, Publicity, Website, Everything else

Jyp – Head of Security and Apprentice

Husband – Maintenance Officer

Son – Technical Support Officer, Chief Food Taster.

The meeting started at 10 am after our daily exercise

Officers’ Reports


The Chair reported that several more pieces had been made and that additionally she has reactivated her Folksy Shop so at least a few pieces were now available for people to buy online. She has decided to try and do five pieces a day with the aim of having twenty pieces by the end of the weekend. This is really good but actually really hard work too as she hates doing it. She tried to give the job to her Apprentice but sadly this was another thing that he failed to do. She was very happy to report that after much endeavour she has secured supplies of an essential food item namely lasagne sheets! She wishes to record a huge vote of thanks to the community shop known as Priscilla’s Tea Rooms in Sanderstead as family harmony has been restored! She has also miraculously managed to find the violin tuner, recover a battery for same from another piece of equipment and replace two strings to act as spares! Nothing is simple when all the shops are closed so a huge sense of achievement was felt. This is all in preparation for the Technical Officer to play at his Grandmother’s funeral next week. She was very appreciative of the practice that she could hear coming from his room. She was however rather alarmed at the number of body parts, albeit very very tiny ones that were continuing to arrive in the post. The Technical Officer interrupted to say they weren’t real and they were for his model army and were just to add different poses from that offered by the kit! Have to say it was a relief to learn that no very small persons were harmed to obtain them! She was sad to say that no more progress had been made with ballet, tap or golf due to an unfortunate accident last weekend. She was happy to say she was feeling better though so further efforts may resume next week.

She was however very happy with the continued Emotional Support given by the Apprentice and asked for this to carry on as required.

Head of Security

Jyp stated that he and the Maintenance Officer are continuing to carry out a patrol of the perimeter every morning. Additionally a small hole has been discovered behind a bramble bush and it is suspected as being part of a secret tunnel to the terrorist safe house located in the orchard area. There was no evidence however of it being in regular use and he continued to chase any incursion onto our property. Additionally he was kept very busy barking at next doors Head of Security everything he heard him in their garden area!


Jyp stated he had been kept very busy doing Emotional Support and Head of Security duties. Jyp reported he had started his search and rescue duties and been practising around the house. He had located several of his toys from under furniture, a treat from two years ago which he had hidden under the sofa and a ball from next door that had appeared over the fence. Sadly no garnets, missing earrings or pieces of gold but he will continue looking.

Maintenance Officer

Husband reported that he was continuing to carry out a daily inspection of the boundaries with the Head of Security. He had successfully replaced the broken fence panels and was currently engaged in renovating an old shed in the garden. He also claimed credit for locating the elusive replacement battery required for the violin tuner as it came from the new remote for a new piece of hi-fi that he had inadvertently purchased whilst feeling rather bored during lockdown.

Technical Support Officer

Son reported that he was continuing to work and progress was very good on his assignments and with his violin. He was hugely appreciative of the efforts that had been made to obtain lasagne sheets and had actually cooked one last Monday. All agreed that it had been delicious and he was encouraged to make more next week.

General Business

Still more dog hair appearing together with mud from the hallway that nobody brings in because they all take their shoes off outside. Additionally no one knows who all the mystery people are or indeed where they are. These are the ones that use so many cups and glasses throughout the day when there are only meant to be three people and a dog and surely they couldn’t possibly use so much!

The meeting ended. The next staff meeting is scheduled for a weeks time unless anything very important comes up before.